The Quotes of the Week column in The Times selects comments, from the humorous and scabrous, to the learned and profound, made during the week. This selection distills down the wit and wisdom of the column.

Introduced by regular Times columnist Philip Howard, this sparkling selection includes such gems as Alan Clark on having skeletons in the cupboard, the Queen on her mother to Nelson Mandela, and such not-to-be-forgotten gems as an anonymous BBC security guard's address to King Constantine: 'who did you say you was King of, mate?'

The volume includes:
Fidel Castro on Santa Claus: `the leading symbol of the hagiography of US mercantilism';
Glenys Kinnock on the EU parliament: `you learn not to make jokes, otherwise you find the Germans getting it ten minutes after the Swedes';
Stephen Fry on cool: `don't be cool; it's boring'.
Bob Monkhouse on the Lottery: `you stand just as good a chance of winning the lottery if you don't buy a ticket'