God, apparently as a prank, devised two sexes and called them 'opposite'. For 5000 years, the sex war has raged, with still no truce in sight. While birds and insects all pair off happily, breeding away without the aid of Internet dating sites and GSOH's - the male and female of the human species are constantly at war. We're supposed to be the higher animal life form, but you don't see squid going on radio dating quiz programmes to get laid, now do you? A local London radio station runs a 'Desperate and Dateless' competition. A computer has matched - physically and emotionally, psychologically and intellectually - what they predict to be the perfect pair. Kit: diamond-studded ears, American, with friends in low places, believes women are little more than a life support system to an ovary. And then Shelly: pin-stripe-underpanted, cultured, classical guitarist, thinks optimism is an eye disease, hates all men. They meet the day they are to be married...