What does it feel like to be middle-aged? Twenty-seven in your own head, sixty-five in the mirror, ninety to your children and your mother still thinks you're twelve.

Who is the chief dissenter among the three tall women who live noisily together under one roof: opinionated daughter, very opinionated elderly mother, or the poor beleaguered woman in between? Here in the middle we must carry on being reasonable, the cart horses of society, while everyone else the young and the old run amok. My mother grumps about in the garden, my daughter sobs upstairs. I find on these occasions I tend to play football with the dog. When one lives in a rather dramatic household, empty nest syndrome seems a delightful prospect . Known for her Treasure: The Teenage Terror books, Michele Hanson now collects her Age of Dissent Guardian columns. The middle-aged female has come of age. Watch out.