All you want is a decent cup of tea. But oh no, modern Britain doesn't want to give you that. It wants to sell you a fancy Dan coffee in a mug the size of a popcorn bucket, complete with double cream, chocolate sprinkles, and no change from a five pound note.

And that's just for starters. Everywhere you look, modern life has turned common sense completely on its head. Call centres keep you on hold from three different continents. Train doors close thirty seconds before departure. And as if there wasn't enough cheese on your pizza already, they're now stuffing it into your crust as well. From speed cameras to organic vegetables, mobile phones to celebrity idiots, this hilarious new book lays bare the sheer lunacy of modern living. One Grump or Two is for everyone who has ever found Great Britain is starting to grate, and dreams of a world where football matches start at 3 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, the top forty is full of songs you can whistle in the bath, and cafes still serve you a proper cup of tea.