Maxime mei paenitet, vendidi uxorem tua in agora eBay. I'm really sorry, I sold your wife on eBay. (Shouted into a mobile phone) Sum in longus quadrigarus! I'm on the train! Nuntiis meis non respondebat, ergo illam reliqui in LociMei. She wasn't replying to my emails, so I dumped her on MySpace. Ego fleo? Am I bovvered? If Latin's good enough for Caesar, it's good enough for you. And some things just sound far better in the old tongue. No longer 'the dead language', Latin has been given a whole new lease of life in a manner befitting twenty-first-century folk and their daily chit-chat. From Sat Nav and MySpace to plastic surgery and bingedrinking, this language lover's bible guarantees you'll go down a storm when you're invited to the Vatican.