Visitors to the great Scottish metropolis of Glasgow are often puzzled by the colourful patois of the local citizens. A conversation about the weather opens with the mysterious phrase, 'Scummindooninbuckets'. In a bar your companions, apparently of Russian origin, greet each other with the names 'Amfurrahoff ', 'Giezahoff ' and 'Seezahoff '. You overhear a young damsel in the arms of her lover utter the ancient Celtic endearment, 'Takyurhonaffmabum'. At a Hogmanay party you offer the hostess a packet of wine-gums, and she thanks you in the lilting language of her Hebridean ancestors: 'Meanjiolbampoat! '

All at sea? Don't despair! Professor Stanley Baxter is here to teach you all you need to know about the rich Glaswegian tongue in this omnibus edition of his legendary language course, Parliamo Glasgow. Now illustrated with hilarious drawings by Bob Dewar, this guide will replace your confusion with complete understanding - and tears of laughter.