Foreword vii Acknowledgment ix Preface xi 1. A Different Kind of "Smart" 1 Old Wine in New Bottles? 3 Going Beyond IQ 6 EI, SI, or Both? 10 From Toxic to Nourishing 12 Blind Spots, Lenses, and Filters 14 Social Halitosis, Flatulence, and Dandruff 16 The "Dilbert" Factor 23 Can We Become a Socially Smarter Species? 25 S.P.A.C.E.:The Skills of Interaction 28 2. "S" Stands for Situational Awareness 33 Situational Dumbness and Numbness 34 Ballistic Podiatry: Making the Worst of a Situation 36 Reading the Social Context 38 What to Look For 40 The Proxemic Context 41 The Behavioral Context 47 The Semantic Context 51 Navigating Cultures and Subcultures 58 Codes of Conduct: Violate the Rules at Your Peril 61 Building the Skills of Situational Awareness 66 3. "P" Stands for Presence 69 Being There 70 Is Charisma Over-Rated? 72 Do Looks Matter? 75 Reading (and Shaping) the "Rules of Engagement" 75 The Ugly American Syndrome 78 More of You, Less of Me 80 A Case of Attitude 82 Building the Skills of Presence 85 4. "A" Stands for Authenticity 87 Take a Tip from Popeye 88 It's a Beautiful Day in the SI Neighborhood 90 The Snap-On Smile: Can You Fake Sincerity? 93 Left-Handed Compliments 94 The Puppy Dog Syndrome 97 Narcissism: It's Really All About Me 98 Head Games, Power Struggles, and Manipulation 102 Building the Skills of Authenticity 105 5. "C" Stands for Clarity 107 A Way with Words 108 Hoof-in-Mouth Disease: Sometimes Silence Works Best 110 Role-Speak and Real-Speak 114 Helicopter Language and Elevator Speeches 116 "Clean" Language and "Dirty" Language 119 Verbal Bludgeons 121 Taking a Brain for a Walk 125 The Power of Metaphor 128 E-Prime: the Language of Sanity 130 Building the Skills of Clarity 135 6. "E" Stands for Empathy 137 What Destroys Empathy? 138 What Builds Empathy? 142 The Platinum Rule 147 The Irony of Empathic Professions 149 L.E.A.P.S.: Empathy by Design 152 Empathy in Four Minutes 154 Building the Skills of Empathy 156 7. Assessing and Developing SI 159 AssessingYour Interaction Skills 160 Self-Awareness: Seeing Yourself as Others See You 166 Assessing Your Interaction Style: Drivers, Energizers, Diplomats, and Loners 168 The Strength-Weakness Irony 177 Priorities for Improvement 180 8. SI in the World of Work: Some Reflections 185 The Real and Legal Consequences of Social Incompetence 184 Cultures of Conflict and Craziness 187 Hierarchies,Testosterone, and Gender Politics 193 Getting it Right at Work and Wrong at Home 198 The Diversity Puzzle 200 Ritual, Ceremony, and Celebration 203 Positive Politics: Getting Ahead with Your Value System Intact 207 9. SI in Charge: Thoughts on Developing Socially Intelligent Leaders 211 The S.O.B. Factor 212 Executive Hubris: Its Costs and Consequences 216 Best Boss,Worst Boss 219 P.O.W.E.R.:Where It Comes From, How to Get It 222 How the Worst Bastards on the Planet Get and Keep Power 224 The Algebra of Influence 226 S.P.I.C.E.: Leading When You're Not In Charge 227 10. SI and Conflict: Thoughts About Getting Along 233 The Double Spiral of Conflict 234 Why Argue? 241 Crucial Conversations 243 Added Value Negotiating 246 Epilogue. SI and the Next Generation: Who's Teaching Our Kids? 253 Our Children Are Not Our Children 254 The (Only) Ten Basic News Stories 256 Anxiety Drives Attention 260 Breaking the Addiction to Television 262 The Buying of Our Babies 265 Video Games:The New Sandlot 267 Teachers, Parents, or Neither? 270 Belonging or Be Longing? 272 The S.P.A.C.E. Solution for Schools 276 A Prescription for SI at Every Age 278 Index 281 About the Author 289
