Judah Friedlander is the world champion, the greatest athlete in the world, a master of the martial arts, the only extra-dark blackbelt to ever exist. He's banned from China because he's too good at karate; that's why they built The Great Wall - to keep him out. He hooks up with 40 chicks a day and is a role model to children. It has been said many times that the best defense is a good offense, writes Friedlander. That's why he created the greatest martial arts self-defense philosophy that has ever existed: Self-Offense. Friedlander's moves are simple, practical, and effective-moves that you can use in every day common situations whenever danger appears, from fighting Big Foots to warding off one-armed assailants. He'll also include sections of proper attire (acid-washed denim), nutrition (lots and lots of lard), and how to relax after a successful fight (with a bunch of babes, naturally). Thanks to Friedlander's first instructional martial arts book, the greatest martial arts guide of all time, readers can now learn from the best. In How to Beat Up Anybody, Judah Friedlander teaches them how to kick anyone's ass. Except his. That's impossible.