In April 1891, two matters greatly excite the inhabitants of Edinburgh: the decennial Population Census and the Annual General Meeting of the Edinburgh Society for the Propagation of a Universal Language. The General Secretary, Mr Justice, is a militant champion of the highly popular language 'Volapuk'; but he is locked in a battle for with Dr Bosman, a shameless apologist for 'Esperanto'. Mr Justice travels the east coast of Scotland in part conducting classes in the grammar and vocabulary of Volapuk. En route, he recruits a secret ally - an ill-behaved old gentleman who has promised to bring the majority over to the Volapuk camp. But, when the AGM does not deliver the expected victory, treachery is revealed. After an epic debate, some scones, and many cups of tea, Mr Justice decides to kidnap Dr. Bosman, teach him some grammar, and retreat with him to the Mavisbank Private Lunatic Asylum. Tragically, Bosman is the Census Officer for Edinburgh, and his absence during the Census brings unwelcome attention from the authorities.