Millionaire war veteran Art Schitthelm has lived through two wars, he's determined not to see another. To ensure everyone keeps the peace he uses a bogus charity to inflict his own brand of twisted philanthropy on humankind. Although the application is barbaric, Schitthelm deems his remedies entirely necessary for the long-term good of the species. The arrogant Schitthelm is long used to getting his own way, but meets his nemesis in the shape of an unflappable, wine-swigging ignoramus called Lenny Plant. Plant, along with a corrupt priest and a murderous Cliff Richard fan, unwittingly play-out a sequence of bizarre events triggered by an accident with a lawn-mower. In and around a sleepy North Yorkshire village, Plant and his cronies create havoc with Schitthelm's carefully thought out plans for the future, to the extent that the ageing war-dog is left with no choice but to send out an assassination squad. The boozy Plant continues with his day to day domestics, oblivious, both to the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, and the danger that stalks the shadows.