I don't think we're going to get an award tonight. I would hedge my bets and say no.

Carol Decker

I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.

Ron Atkinson

I'm for a stronger death penalty.

George Bush

They say if you swallow poison you should take an anecdote... Well, this vast suppository of mindless malapropisms and senseless spoonerisms is bound to leave your abominable muscles aching. If you've ever suffered from a case of foot-in-mouth syndrome, then this compendium of silliness is just for you. And it's not just the pop stars and George Bushes of this world who are prone to half-witted gaffes - even the literary greats have been known to make the most hilarious faux pas.

Split your sides over other people's stupidity. This is one book you won't be able to illiterate from your memory.