So You're 50!: The Age You Never Thought You'd Reach by Clive Whichelow
You may now expect a dirty weekend to involve nothing more exciting than cleaning out the garden shed, and you may find yourself being snubbed even by high-street canvassers.
On the bright side, you can take delight in the fact that you will never again have to force yourself into groaningly tight fashion jeans - or pretend to like tequila slammers.