The auction catalogue read: Lot # 217. A tin trunk, circa 1860, containing a number of esoteric volumes, many with curious woodcuts, all in poor condition
The trunk held the secret diaries of Sir Richard Francis Burton, soldier, spy, explorer, linguist, diplomat, master of disguise, the greatest swordsman of all time, hero, scoundrel, rake. His deeds are legendary, from single-handedly routing a score of attacking tribesmen to translating the Kama Sutra after having tested every single position it describes.
Long periods of Burton's life have been shrouded in mystery. His lovely wife, Isabel, burned many of his papers, 'to protect his reputation.' Now it can be revealed that Burton's remarkable skill with the sabre was exceeded by his incredible sexual prowess. During the period of his life that he describes in The Persian Girl, he futtered his way from London to the Himalayas, coupling with two women at once, as an hors d'oeuvre, then taking his pleasure from gorgeous trios and beautiful quartets until his magnum opus - an extended orgy with a dozen female participants, with Burton as the only male.
After that, saving the British Empire from a perfidious Russian plot was easy.