First published in 1989. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.

jame P. Carnevale

Part 1 COUNSELING PHILOSOPHY Points of View; Chapter 1 Counseling is helping people become aware of how they are creating their lives, based upon a belief system they have forgotten they believe.; Chapter 2 You must have filters through which to sift and organize all the stuff the client gives to you.; Chapter 3 The reason persons are not solving their life problems is not because they aren't smart enough but rather is because they are working with the wrong data.; Chapter 4 The power of positive thinking only works for those people who are already happy.; Chapter 5 Real clients are seldom easy clients with whom to work. If something significant wasn't wrong with them, they wouldn't be clients at all.; Chapter 6 Clients are better at being clients than most counselors are at being counselors.; Chapter 7 A 5 degree or 10 degree shift in the situation can be significant. A shift of 180 degrees is probably phony and won't last.; Chapter 8 All behavior has meaning and purpose in some context. Nothing is an accident.; Chapter 9 Habits become habits because they accomplish something very well.; Chapter 10 Defense mechanisms are chosen and maintained because they work so well.; Chapter 11 No all/nothings exist except for being pregnant.; Chapter 12 Remember that in counseling the problem is always sitting in the chair across from you. . . and so is the solution!!!; Chapter 13 Counseling is the TRUTH BUSINESS. . . and the truth is hard to find.; Chapter 14 Clients are seldom helpless. They have developed strange ways of succeeding.; Chapter 15 When a client agrees with you, that doesn't mean you are right; when they disagree with you, that doesn't mean you're wrong.; Chapter 16 People are not weak-they're just not in touch with their power.; Chapter 17 However you are feeling about the client or are responding to the client is probably what the client intended.; Chapter 18 A counseling relationship has several stages. The honeymoon is the fun part; then the work begins.; Chapter 19 Counselors lose more clients by doing too little too late than by doing too much too soon.; Part 2 GOALS and BOUNDARIES of COUNSELING; Chapter 21 All problems in counseling are relationship problems. Period!; Chapter 22 All relationship problems are related to either power or intimacy.; Chapter 23 The client's problem is rarely the real problem. What the client thinks is the problem is usually a bothersome symptom.; Chapter 24 Mythology-the basis of it all.; Chapter 25 New insight and new language give the client some wiggle room for a change.; Chapter 26 The one who gives in gets even.; Chapter 27 Value-free counseling-it doesn't exist!; Chapter 28 Counseling is a process in which we try to avoid the win/lose part of living.; Chapter 29 Never let a client IT on you.; Part 3 CLIENTS' REASONS for COUNSELING; Chapter 31 Sense of failure. . .; Chapter 32 Clients usually hope you can help make things better without changing anything, at least as far as they're concerned.; Chapter 33 In their hearts they know they're not to blame.; Chapter 34 The client secretly hopes that you too will fail. The the client won't look so stupid.; Part 4 COUNSELOR'S ROLE; Chapter 36 Responsibility: Creating one's life through choices. . .; Chapter 37 To be intimate means to be vulnerable- from a position of strength.; Chapter 38 You must train your client to be your client.; Chapter 39 I hold the counselor 75 to 80 percent responsible for what happens in a counseling interview.; Chapter 40 The counselor, not the client, is in control of the interview- a fact that many beginners forget.; Chapter 41 Give your clients hope. They need it.; Chapter 42 If clients have made such a mess of things, how can they ever depend on themselves again.; Chapter 43 Never contribute to the delinquency of your client.; Chapter 44 You must be willing to be responsible for making the client feel bad.; Chapter 45 Clients are excellent at what they are doing wrong.; Chapter 46 Sincerity does not mean truth.; Chapter 47 You cannot not communicate.; Chapter 48 Accepting one's humanness.; Chapter 49 The superego-you will either increase it or decrease it. Take your pick!; Chapter 50 Anger, fear, and sadness (or grief) are always that which the client is trying to avoid.; Chapter 51 If you have to explain what counseling is to a client, you probably aren't doing much of it.; Chapter 52 People who cry too easily are often covering up their anger. People who anger too easily are often covering up their tears.; Chapter 53 People who control their emotions may control more than they know.; Chapter 54 At different times in a counseling relationship I believe the client and the counselor are in a kind of war.; Chapter 55 Do you want me to be a good counselor or a bad one?; Part 5 PROBLEMS in COUNSELING; Chapter 57 What they have done to others they will do to you-somehow.; Chapter 58 Counseling ultimately deals with anger or fear or sadness. It is not a happy business.; Chapter 59 Misunderstanding the counselor is a great defense for the client.; Chapter 60 Too logical or too intuitive? That is the question!; Chapter 61 Clients are never stuck in their counseling-they are hanging on.; Chapter 62 Who's holding back-the counselor or client?; Chapter 63 Depression: Is it anger, sadness or despair?; Chapter 64 Resentment-of whom?; Part 6 TECHNIQUES and PROCEDURES; Chapter 66 Don't listen to the client's story. Listen for their life-style within the story.; Chapter 67 Client history: On my terms only!; Chapter 68 Patterns of behavior, early memories, familiar situations-all can be keys to early intentionality.; Chapter 69 Your insight is good. Your client's developing that insight is better.; Chapter 70 Transference: When it happens, you've struck gold! Go for it!; Chapter 71 Catharsis doesn't cure anything; but it may be a step toward curing.; Chapter 72 I actually throw a counselor switch on and off at will.; Chapter 73 The best basis for establishing the counseling relationship is that of the counselor's competence, not of being friendly.; Chapter 74 Beginning the interview.; Chapter 75 Beginning the relationship.; Chapter 76 . . . and you?; Chapter 77 I hate the question, How do you feel? or How are you feeling?; Chapter 78 I always have three Here/Nows from which to choose.; Chapter 79 By-Pass the client's defenses.; Chapter 80 Humor in therapy is a tricky issue.; Chapter 81 To the largest extent possible, make the counseling session an experience of the client's life rather than a story about it.; Chapter 82 Here and Now: The great mystery.; Chapter 83 The famous chairs, and how to Introduce them.; Chapter 84 About-ism versus now-ism.; Chapter 85 You just had a thought. . . .; Chapter 86 And/But; Chapter 87 Find out what is, not what isn't.; Chapter 88 When a client is talking about people, they may be talking about you-check it out.; Chapter 89 Listen for a refrain. It may give you a clue to their style.; Chapter 90 When you make an intervention, pay particular attention to how the client defends against it- and then make another one!; Chapter 91 To make the client's material meaningful, intensify, intensify, intensify.; Chapter 92 Confrontation does not mean aggression!; Chapter 93 Subvocalization-you can't stop it, but you must change it.; Chapter 94 Another perspective. . .; Chapter 95 Suicide: I always take it seriously.; Part 7 DO and DON'T; Chapter 97 A great answer to a different question.; Chapter 98 K-I-S-S. Keep It Super Simple.; Chapter 99 Spontaneity may mean you are unprepared! Rehearse some scenes at home. Develop mini-lecturettes for certain subjects.; Chapter 100 Body language-the least well defended.; Chapter 101 Talking about feelings without having feelings is seldom helpful.; Chapter 102 Counseling is not a social dialogue-don't be polite.; Chapter 103 Don't ask why, ask what.; Chapter 104 One question at a time.; Chapter 105 If you ask a question, don't you answer it.; Chapter 106 The client may be trying to entertain you- or himself/herself.; Chapter 107 Watch for the tears behind the laughter.; Chapter 108 If you miss an important dynamic or piece of information, don't worry! If it is important,it will come up again.; Part 8 TERMINATION; Chapter 110 When are you ready to stop counseling