Chew on this. As humans, we have a deep need to believe . . . a need to relate to something greater and more ideal than ourselves. Perhaps that's why so many millions believe in Dog. Man's devotion to Dog has come to rival the great -isms and -ologies of the world. This thing has gone way beyond a hobby.

We may not literally worship dogs, but we come pawfully close. This rabid reverence for Rover has a name: Dogtology. Dogtology is for the dog lover who has bailed on a date because they didn't want Twinkles to be left home alone. It is for the human whose dog owns a more festive holiday wardrobe than they do, whose pups dine on free-range bison burgers while they live off ramen, or whose smartphones have more photos of their dog than of the humans in their family. In this sacred dogtrine, the case is made that Dogtology has become a bone-a-fide belief system on par with the world's great philosophies and religions.