What is true listening and why, the author asks, has it become a near?rarity in modern life? Nichols shows how to utilize this art by which we use empathy to reach the space across us' to improve and repair relationships with spouses, lovers, relatives, children, friends, and colleagues, and even how to boost one's own listenability.' He also explains what listening isn't, explaining why people don't listen and listing obstacles to listening (especially defensiveness owing to emotional overreaction). Humor, true life examples and simple exercises make this a practical and even entertaining self?help guide. - Publishers Weekly
Lily Tomlin once advised that we listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' Michael Nichols, in The Lost Art of Listening, tells us how. This is a very special book which distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are....This is more than a good book, it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives. - Carol M. Anderson, Ph.D., coauthor of Flying Solo
'Lily Tomlin once advised that we listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' Michael Nichols, in The Lost Art of Listening, tells us how. This is a very special book which distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are....This is more than a good book, it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives.'- Carol M. Anderson, Ph.D., coauthor of Flying Solo
Introduction. Part I: Yearning to be Understood. Why Listening Is So Important. Did You Hear What I Said? How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other. Thanks for Listening. How Communication Breaks Down. Why Won't You Listen to Me? Part II: The Real Reasons People Don't Listen. The Heart of Listening: The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs. When Is It My Turn? How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening. You Hear Only What You Want to Hear! How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive. Why Do You Always Overreact! Part III: Getting Through to Each Other. How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen. Take Your Time-I'm Listening. Empathy Begins with Openness. I Never Knew You Felt That Way. How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity. I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You. Part IV: Listening in Context. Listening Between Intimate Partners. We Never Seem to Talk Anymore. How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family. Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me! Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues. I Knew You'd Understand. Epilogue.