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A deeply heartfelt account with a wealth of personal photos.... A loving tribute to two great musicians, a must for Britten fans. -- Susan Pierotti * Stringendo, Journal of the Australian Strings Association *

STEUART JOHN RUDOLF BEDFORD OBE (31 July 1939 - 15 February 2021) was an English orchestral and opera conductor and pianist.

Contents List of Illustrations 1 My mind beats on 2 A thirst, a leaping, wild unrest, a deep desire 3 Should I give up the fruitless struggle with the word? 4 So be it 5 What lies in wait for me here? 6 My head is heavy, my eyelids ache 7 I must go elsewhere, I must find a clearer sky, a fresher air 8 How much better to live, not words but beauty, to exist in it, and of it 9 The power of beauty sets me free 10 Yet I am driven on 11 O voluptuous days, O the joy I suffer 12 So the moments pass 13 And now, Phaedrus, I will go No epilogue, I pray you, for your play needs no excuse Acknowledgements Index