It might have been fun and games once to have adventures, make catapults or learn about fossils, but what about now you are starting to feel a bit fossilised yourself? You just know you are going to suffer a ghastly accident if you attempt to make a tree house.

The Deranged Book for Old-timers offers advice on life's more sedate pleasures, from the afternoon snooze to how to twitch curtains properly. With a guide to being a grumpy codger and a Zimmer frame Kama Sutra, this book is full of delightfully dotty things to do. Yes, we are going to grow old, but we are going to make sure we do it disgracefully.